SHOWER THOUGHTS FOR AGING MILLENNIALS

… Or How Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb

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I was listening to your thoughts and found these. They’re definitely not mine. 

* I’m not just uninteresting, not just a bore, but a cancer to anyone who knows me. Unfit, undeserving, the greatest kindness is to remove myself from them. 

* Not just ugly, but a horribly disfigured idiot.

* Not just lonely, but appropriately alone. It is an act of great mercy to those around me. An impenetrable shell is an act of virtue. Proximity does not equal connection, and I will always be alone

* A failure. I failed before I ever started. I will never succeed. It’s not possible. 

* Every person gets three chances in life. I got more, and I ruined them all. There are no more chances. It’s over. 

* I deserve it. There is no meaning. No truth. Nothing will ever change. 

* I’m dying. I’m dead already. 

* I let everyone down. Everyone will let me down. 

* Everybody gets what they deserve. 

Time to meditate. Open the app, turn on the tv, get on twitter, and feel the mercurial Holy Spirit take you. Good luck.